Voyd of Course

"It's like the Onion, only skinnier!" --Milton Swift "Still worth the price of the paper it's not printed on." --Felicia DuBois "The unspeakable, spoken." --Malin Wuptke "More interesting than computer solitaire, though perhaps not so effective a distraction from the void." --Harlan J. Rippington "Satire today, history tomorrow." --Steven Wallace

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Location: Santa Fe, NM, United States

In 1966, I wrote a fake newspaper article under the headline "JACK CASS SETS WORLD SHOWERING RECORD." Mr. Yohans, my 9th grade English teacher, liked it so well that he read it aloud--to much not-quite-suppressed giggling, at the sound of which, Mr Yohans said, "What? What? Did I miss something here?" I spent the rest of the afternoon in Principal Leon Duff's outer office. When Mr. Duff, who was a busy man, decided he didn't have time to see me, his secretary sent me back to the classroom, where I was greeted like McMurphy returning from solitary. Emboldened by my de facto exoneration, my friends began work on their own fake news stories. I remember a spate of Russian names in the stories, including "Ivan Kutchikokoff" and "Ivan Jerkinov." Needless to say, our newly suspicious teacher sent both of my friends to Mr. Duff's office, where they were not as bureaucratically blessed as I had been. They sat detention for a week. This I took as a lesson in subtlety--and in how to start a commotion and slip from the room before the law comes down.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Chuck Calabreze on Relationships

THE MOONS OF MARRIAGE

Honeymoon
Moon of Sex in the Kitchen
Moon of Weekend Getaways
Moon of the Occasional Burnt Meal
Moon of Excessive Spending
Moon of Guys’ Nights Out
Moon of Not Calling Home
Moon of Gals’ Nights Out
Moon of Parallel Reading
Moon of Deferred Maintenance
Moon of Really Talking
Moon of Self–Help Books
Moon of Nobody Changes
Moon of Long Silences

posted by ¡Chuckissimo! | 5:17 PM

1 Comments:

Blogger the unreliable narrator said...

Don't mean to importune you, Chuck, but I kind of need to know here--what comes after the Moons of Nobody Changes and Long Silences? I mean, besides Moon of AlAnon and Moon of Going to Couples Therapy Alone and Moon of the County Courthouse? Are there any other moons?

(I can't believe I'm asking Chuck Calabreze for relationship advice.)

4:05 PM  

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