Voyd of Course

"It's like the Onion, only skinnier!" --Milton Swift "Still worth the price of the paper it's not printed on." --Felicia DuBois "The unspeakable, spoken." --Malin Wuptke "More interesting than computer solitaire, though perhaps not so effective a distraction from the void." --Harlan J. Rippington "Satire today, history tomorrow." --Steven Wallace

About Me

My Photo
Name:
Location: Santa Fe, NM, United States

In 1966, I wrote a fake newspaper article under the headline "JACK CASS SETS WORLD SHOWERING RECORD." Mr. Yohans, my 9th grade English teacher, liked it so well that he read it aloud--to much not-quite-suppressed giggling, at the sound of which, Mr Yohans said, "What? What? Did I miss something here?" I spent the rest of the afternoon in Principal Leon Duff's outer office. When Mr. Duff, who was a busy man, decided he didn't have time to see me, his secretary sent me back to the classroom, where I was greeted like McMurphy returning from solitary. Emboldened by my de facto exoneration, my friends began work on their own fake news stories. I remember a spate of Russian names in the stories, including "Ivan Kutchikokoff" and "Ivan Jerkinov." Needless to say, our newly suspicious teacher sent both of my friends to Mr. Duff's office, where they were not as bureaucratically blessed as I had been. They sat detention for a week. This I took as a lesson in subtlety--and in how to start a commotion and slip from the room before the law comes down.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

A MAN’S GUIDE TO RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS: TERMINOLOGY

by Chuck Calabreze


Passive-Aggressive Behavior: Getting what you want by insisting you don’t want it.
Controlling Behavior: Ignoring the opinion you just solicited.
Placating: I’ll get to this later, I promise.
Irrational: What a woman is when she doesn’t agree with you.
Communication: A characteristic of human behavior found only on the y chromosome.
Change: What a woman wants and a man fears.
Excuse: What we men call "an explanation."
Incommunicative: What a man is when he won’t say what he feels.
Inappropriate: What a man is when he does.

posted by ¡Chuckissimo! | 11:18 AM

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home