Voyd of Course

"It's like the Onion, only skinnier!" --Milton Swift "Still worth the price of the paper it's not printed on." --Felicia DuBois "The unspeakable, spoken." --Malin Wuptke "More interesting than computer solitaire, though perhaps not so effective a distraction from the void." --Harlan J. Rippington "Satire today, history tomorrow." --Steven Wallace

About Me

My Photo
Name:
Location: Santa Fe, NM, United States

In 1966, I wrote a fake newspaper article under the headline "JACK CASS SETS WORLD SHOWERING RECORD." Mr. Yohans, my 9th grade English teacher, liked it so well that he read it aloud--to much not-quite-suppressed giggling, at the sound of which, Mr Yohans said, "What? What? Did I miss something here?" I spent the rest of the afternoon in Principal Leon Duff's outer office. When Mr. Duff, who was a busy man, decided he didn't have time to see me, his secretary sent me back to the classroom, where I was greeted like McMurphy returning from solitary. Emboldened by my de facto exoneration, my friends began work on their own fake news stories. I remember a spate of Russian names in the stories, including "Ivan Kutchikokoff" and "Ivan Jerkinov." Needless to say, our newly suspicious teacher sent both of my friends to Mr. Duff's office, where they were not as bureaucratically blessed as I had been. They sat detention for a week. This I took as a lesson in subtlety--and in how to start a commotion and slip from the room before the law comes down.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

News In Brief

BUSH PROMOTES GLOBAL WARMING AS SOLUTION TO RISING ENERGY COSTS

Washington—Often criticized for his failure to act to curb global warming, President Bush revealed today that global warming is actually part of his comprehensive strategy to ease the burden of rising fuel costs. In his radio address, Bush outlined his plan: “With fuel costs rising and the costs to homeowners trying to heat their homes skyrocketing, the additional few degrees global warming provides will be crucial in making home-heating affordable. Our refusal to sign the Kyoto Protocol sends a clear message to the international community that we will not sacrifice our citizens’ comfort simply to avert a global catastrophe.”

posted by ¡Chuckissimo! | 7:40 AM

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home