Voyd of Course

"It's like the Onion, only skinnier!" --Milton Swift "Still worth the price of the paper it's not printed on." --Felicia DuBois "The unspeakable, spoken." --Malin Wuptke "More interesting than computer solitaire, though perhaps not so effective a distraction from the void." --Harlan J. Rippington "Satire today, history tomorrow." --Steven Wallace

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Location: Santa Fe, NM, United States

In 1966, I wrote a fake newspaper article under the headline "JACK CASS SETS WORLD SHOWERING RECORD." Mr. Yohans, my 9th grade English teacher, liked it so well that he read it aloud--to much not-quite-suppressed giggling, at the sound of which, Mr Yohans said, "What? What? Did I miss something here?" I spent the rest of the afternoon in Principal Leon Duff's outer office. When Mr. Duff, who was a busy man, decided he didn't have time to see me, his secretary sent me back to the classroom, where I was greeted like McMurphy returning from solitary. Emboldened by my de facto exoneration, my friends began work on their own fake news stories. I remember a spate of Russian names in the stories, including "Ivan Kutchikokoff" and "Ivan Jerkinov." Needless to say, our newly suspicious teacher sent both of my friends to Mr. Duff's office, where they were not as bureaucratically blessed as I had been. They sat detention for a week. This I took as a lesson in subtlety--and in how to start a commotion and slip from the room before the law comes down.

Saturday, November 19, 2005


New Jargon-Infusion Program Goes Terribly Awry

Santa Fe--In a vain attempt to improve communications with his students at the College of Indian Art, Professor of English Dave Jonas last week began infusing his curriculum with jargon he picked up during a weekend spent skateboarding with his twelve year old son.

Professor Jonas startled his students Monday morning when he stood outside the door, greeting each student by saying "word" or "word up" and making odd pointing gestures with his fingers. At one point just before entering the classroom, Professor Jonas made what he later confided was "a gang sign."

Jim Jackson, a sophomore creative writing major, was amused to learn that Professor Jonas was attempting a gang sign. "I though he was making shadow puppets--it looked just like a rabbit."

Other students were equally amused. Kelly Gonzalez, a junior majoring in museum studies, said Professor Jonas's approach was "kinda kute, you know, like where cute is spelled with a 'k'." Asked if she'd paid closer attention to Professor Jonas's lecture, she said she couldn't recall anything he'd said after he followed the students into the classroom.

Professor Jonas had a more upbeat reading. "They were down wid my beats today. They know a playa when they see one. We be chillin' in my crib again on Friday."

Jim Cook, Dean of Arts and Cultural Studies, announced that he, too, will be "'chillin' in Professor Jonas's 'crib' on Friday."


Blogger xavyeronassis said...

your stupid

8:28 PM  
Blogger xavyeronassis said...

actually, what I meant to say was
"yo stewpit, mofo." and
"WERD, ta ya mutha"

8:30 PM  
Blogger ¬°Davissimo! said...

Professor Jonas will appreciate your clarification.

8:55 PM  
Blogger poetry4 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:38 PM  
Blogger poetry4 said...

Does XAVY-gravey mean stupid as in bad like stupid is as stupid does, or stupid as in bad as good? Confusing all the same.

Yo' stewpit-assis (idiom region pending) werd' sounds the same as word, homie, yah' dig? So why spell it different? Ta' is also off I think "word to yo' mutha'" sounds better, if you are writing a NY dialect. Its all in the vowels, yours sounds like a Canadian take on the urban English dialect.

Holla' at a playa' when yah' see him on dah' street!

Yo' dats' stoopid funny yo'.

Dats' how its dun' thun'!

Is dis' dat'same cat roliin' dem' phatty' pipestone violins, once sported dah'locks bouncin' in dah' Cream Camero?


1:45 PM  
Blogger Loca415 said...

Ha Ha!"Your stupid"........YOUR?!!?

8:48 PM  

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